I don't even know

We all have those times when we believe things we shouldn't. Those times when for some reason we allow ourselves to have some false sense of hope, blind trust some would call it. And every time the same thing happens, yet still, we allow ourselves to be led astray, hoodwinked in a sense. But for what? One moment of happiness? Five minutes of feeling special? Maybe a couple laughs. And somehow, every time, we go back for more. It’s as if we never learn...You'd think that after the first, second, maybe third time. We would have figured out how short we were selling ourselves. But no, because all were worried about is that moment of self-gratification. That short time where we can justify everything wrong, and right thing that we've ever done. At some point you just get to the point where you don’t care. And I’m going to transition this into something about me. I’ve allowed myself to get to the point where I just don’t care. I’ve let one bad decision after another dictate the direction of my life. I’ve ignored what I know is the right thing, what I feel is the right thing, because I wanted to fit in, or I wanted to have friends, or be popular or well liked. I sacrificed what made Jesse, Jesse. And in doing that I completely lost who I tried so hard to be. I gave up on dreams, I gave up on friends, and I started sacrificing more and more areas of my life towards failing endeavors. But, we all make choices, we all make decisions, and those are choices that only we are responsible for. No one else. I wish I could blame someone, and I’m sure in the grand scheme of things somewhere in my life someone is to blame for all of this, but there is no point. Blaming someone else, what would that accomplish? Absolutely nothing, it would just add to another long list of bad habits – the inability to accept responsibility for your actions. Now all I can do is determine what is important to me, what is worth my time, energy, and resources. The hard part isn’t figuring out what those are, its sticking to them no matter what happens, no matter what “better” thing comes along.