Some days I wish I could understand the difference between
doing what I want, what I’m called to do, and what’s realistic. All I want is
to do something meaningful, to feel needed, without the frivolity of it all,
without the requirements, the restrictions. At what point does it become
stupidity? At what point does faith turn in to blindness, or does it? I know
there is no limit to what God can do, but is there a limit to how much we can
trust him as human beings? I’m talking about the kind of trust that allows me
to leave everything and follow him, the kind of trust that allows me to live
without worrying about finances, jobs, everything. In my mind I live in a world
where I can go and do and be whoever or whatever I want. One where nothing
holds me back, where I can trust solely in God. But outside of my mind I live
in a world where I am held back by people’s expectations, requirements, and
opinions. Most days I just want to run away, live my own life, do my own thing,
away from all of this nonsense, away from the world. Other days I live in a
constant state of panic in a last ditch effort to try and understand my place
in it all, to understand where I fit in. Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord
with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways
acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.” I guess the answer lies in
that verse, and this one, James 4:7, “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil
and he will flee from you.” We will never see what is from God, until we submit
ourselves to God and become of God, then he will direct our paths. It’s like
trying to listen to the radio and watch the television at the same time.
Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one
and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You
cannot serve God and mammon.”
