Dreams of boredom

I love to dream, I love to imagine. My mind is a tangled web of dreams and aspirations going back and forth and forth and back. Sometimes it gets confusing, but most times I love it, because it allows me to see anything that I want to see. It allows me to be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do. But above all it allows me to live in whatever world I want to live. I guess my point is that like most people when I'm bored my mind runs wild, and as far as I allow it to go it will. There is nothing in the world that can stop me when I put my mind to it...Nothing that I can't have if I really want it. But in this world you can't force anything on anyone, you can't make someone want you, or your dreams. They have to want them, they have to see them as beautiful and incredible and want those things for their lives as well. Because if they don't than its like eating old spoiled food. For a while its okay, it might taste good, even smell good. And most likely it will sit okay in your stomach for a short time, but after time it will start to run its course, and the stomach will do the only thing that it knows to do in order to protect itself, and that is get rid of it.

These are the worst nights. They remind me of boot camp and infantry school. Of the so many times I sat and dreamed about things, imagined what they would be like. I would let my mind run wild until it drove me crazy. Until recently I've never felt so much control over my life, but at the same hand I feel as if nothing I do will change what is "supposed" to happen. How much can I do? I couldn't ask more from my life. I have a decent job, a great school opportunity, a wonderful girlfriend, and incredible friends. But like anything its always hard not to want more. Its hard to not wonder what things could be like, and constantly running through my mind are all of the if's, and's, and but's. Truth of the matter is I'm completely happy where I am at. Its been a hard journey, and I still have moments where I hesitate and doubt myself. But behind the doubt, behind the reoccurring pain, lies one common theme. For once I am able to sit back, relax, and just be myself, and anything more than that is me demanding things out of my control. Its just me being ungrateful for all of the things I have.