If someone were to keep a ledger of sin we would all find our names inside. But if someone were to burn that ledger, nay, if someone were to erase every trace of our name from that ledger, and replace it with their own name, taking full responsibility and account for every sin each and every one of us has committed, therein purging our existence of helplessness and providing us a path toward redemption what would we do? In writing this I may only speak for myself, and therefore I can tell you only what I would do, or should I say, what I have done. I've lived my life carelessly, allowing mistake after mistake to haunt who I am. I have allowed my nightmares in my past, to dictate who I am today. You see, I've allowed my guilt, yes that bitter feeling of worthlessness and pain, to control who I've become. Instead of accepting my shame before that ledger, and humbling myself to the point of acknowledgement, that I am worth the price that was paid for my name to be erased from that ledger. I've allowed that guilt to grow, to manifest itself inside of me, just as a cancerous cell attacks other cells, so have I allowed guilt to sweep through my veins like a poisonous venom. In doing so I've watched parts of my life turn to dust and fall away, I've watched as this demon of a feeling has sucked the joy from my soul, I've watched as it literally turned me against myself. Taking things I once used for good, and using them to destroy good. The worst part about this is that it isn't my guilt...It's guilt that was forgotten when my name was erased from that ledger. It is a mutated version of shame, my shame before the eraser of that ledger. What I'm trying to say is that guilt isn't from our maker, its not of the creator. Our guilt is a monster of the sinful destroyer, a tool, taken from what is good, and made into what is bad. But in our drunken self-righteous stupor, were lost. From the beginning of existence we have allowed this means of ruin to define us, even when all it would take is one simple act, one simple commitment to eradicate the assassin of good. We fail to remember that it wasn't just an eraser, it was murder, the act that so quickly erased our names and accepted our blame. With every beating, with every cursing, every kick, and with each beat of the hammer our guilt was taken account of, with three piercing nails, with cry's ignored, our guilt was nailed to that board, and in doing so, our maker took every feeling of guilt, every judging thought, every sinful act against his temple, and laid them on the only thing of perfection to walk this earth, his Son. Through that price for eternity we were cleansed before God, made new in him, to be of him, not in sin.
Regrettably we forget this story of sacrifice, we choose to pretend that we are him, not, made by him. You see, we will never be perfect, and we will never have control over what happens to us no matter how much we think we are in control. But lucky for us are names aren't in that ledger, lucky for us, every day is new, every minute is new, every moment of every day is a new opportunity to humble ourselves before him, and acknowledge that he is the one creator, the eraser, our savior...
