I know that I've said this a lot, but mistakes are always there for us to learn from. Recently I've had a hard time accepting and understanding that. It truly is hard to comprehend something that we can't see. But we have to take it step by step, word by word, chapter by chapter, decision by decision. To many times we try to jump all in, and in doing that we drown ourselves and sink to the bottom. I got to the point in my life where I began to resent things around me, because of the people I was around...and worse than that I was causing them to do the same thing. In doing so I brought to life that old adage, "misery loves company." It wasn't something that was done on purpose, or something that was intentional. Unfortunately it just happened, and before anyone saw it, or felt it, it was spiraling out of control. The consequences for these things, for the decisions we make will live on for forever, but that doesn't mean its the end of the world. There are things that will never change, we will always question God. We will always want to know the who, what, when, where, how, and why. But sometimes, we have to go through the struggle all of those things before we can get to the why. Sadly for us, that entails the pain, the hurt, the regret, and the sorrow. Yet, fortunately for us we are blessed with the opportunity to trade those things in for something real. For something genuine. From the outside looking in it is always easier to justify the bruises and the wounds, and hindsight will always be 20/20. However, here is where we begin to make those small decisions, and take those small steps. It's hard to forgive, partially because we want justification against the people who have hurt us, but also because it is a way for us to control our lives. And by letting go of that burden, we allow our "control" to slip even more. But if we can never forgive, we can never move on. Forgiveness doesn't mean we admit someone else is right, it doesn't mean that they are no longer responsible for what they've done, it simply means that we have recognized that only God can judge them for what they have done, and that when we look at them we will be able to see who they are, not what they have done to us. Today we live in a world that encourages revenge, and justifies expressing our feelings despite how they will affect those around us. We've been taught to care nothing about someone else's feelings, but to expect them to care everything about ours. There are many things that I have done in my life that I wish I hadn't. There are many decisions I've made that have affected and hurt people around me that I care about. However, I know that all of those decisions, all of those mistakes have made me who I am today. I also know that for the rest of my life I will continue to make decisions like that, and because of that I realize that I will always find myself standing in the ruins of mistakes I have made. For now they might be small, they might be things that I can move on from, but knowing that there are mistakes out there that I can make that I won't be able to come back from make me realize all the more that I am only saved by God's grace. This year I have been given the greatest gift of all. I've been given the knowledge of a Savior that will forgive me for every mistake I make, today, tomorrow, and for eternity. Will it take me a while to get to that point where I make fewer mistakes, to the place in my life where I can fully let go and trust him to control my life? Yes. But I find peace right now in knowing that no matter what I do, he will never leave me.
2013 has been an interesting year. It has carried many hardships, lots of tears, some blood, a lot of sore muscles, and some very hard and hurtful lessons. But it has taught me that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, and that I have people in my life that care about me that I can count on no matter what. Merry Christmas everyone, and Semper Fi.
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