Sunday, December 29, 2013

Seeing who we are

I always wonder how the pieces fit into the puzzle, how does everything come together? Everything happens for a reason even though we don't always know what those reasons are. I've realized that I have tried to control everything single thing that goes on in my life, and because of that I have been miserable. I'm starting to understand what is worth controlling, and what is worth letting go. Life is horrible enough that we don't need to add to it. We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we handle those situations. Whether we will let them eat away at us until we self destruct, or whether we will let them go and choose to fight another day. When we decide to not allow things to bother us it isn't us rolling over and giving up, it is us being smart enough to know when its appropriate to fight, and what is worth fighting for. Many times all we need is someone to listen, someone willing to hear us out and not try to tell us what to do. Our inability to get things out and communicate with other people allows those things to fester...to grow, and grow they do. Until they consume us and they rule our thoughts. In doing that we allow our lives to be destroyed by some of the simplest things. I will never understand why I do these things, all I know is that it is my responsibility to uphold safeguards and checks in my life that will help me recognize when I begin to do those things.

As much as it sucks at the time, we usually must hit rock bottom in order to find out who we really are, what we are made of, and what we really want. Because, until everything is stripped away, all of the distractions and  disruptions we will never see who we really are. Until we take ourselves to that place where it is just us and God, we won't be able to truly evaluate ourselves.
My relationship with my Savior hasn't always been perfect, and I know that it never will be, but in times of doubt or confusion I think back to my lonely nights in boot camp, where my Drill Instructors stripped away every individual characteristic that identified me, and all that was left was me and my God. In those 13 weeks I was able to look out and evaluate who I was, and who I wanted to be. It put me in a place where there were no distractions...It was only  me and God, and I was broken. Of all the things I expected to carry with me out of boot camp a stronger relationship with my Lord was the last thing I anticipated.

I don't know what my future holds, but I know that Christ will never leave me nor forsake me, and I know that as long as I'm living in his word, than I am living in his will. I've never been so excited in my life about starting new things, a new job, new friends, new relationships, however, sometimes change is good, and anytime change was good, it most likely means it was necessary.

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