I had to stay.

There are so many people that I want to tell to go to hell. So many people that I wish I could put in their place, make them understand exactly what they've done, and prove to them that they are wrong. But I guess that isn't my job to do, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't understand any of this. What is the point? What is the point in trying anything if I can't find joy in it? Everything is so predictable its sickening. Would it even be that good to wait? To search it out, does it really exist? Something different, something special, something worth all of the risk? I want it to be real, I want to dream and believe and I want to chase those dreams, but can they even come true? How far would I have to search, where would I have to go? Things would be so much easier if I didn't want the answer for everything. But how can we go on...How can we continue on like this, with all of the pain, all of the heartache. How can people continue to live, or even have the hope to live? All we ever want are the answers, and many of them we will never find, but does that mean that we just give up looking. Does that mean that we let it all go? Time and time again I've poured myself into things and people, I've given it everything I had to give, and time and time again I'm left alone, empty handed. Simply a shell of who I used to be. I don't know where to go, or what to do. Am I lost? Or am I just afraid? If I cried out, would anyone hear me? Would anyone help me?