Breathless

It felt like someone had sucked all of the oxygen out of the air and that no matter where I went, I couldn't catch my breath. I tried everything, different food, different people, different music, but nothing. No matter how hard I tried I was breathless all the time, I was drowning, and I reached the point where I no longer knew why. When you reach that point in your life you find yourself asking questions you didn't know existed. You find yourself in a place that you never thought possible, and in that moment you don't know what to be more scared of. The fact that you are there, or the fact that you don't know what to do. Some people understand that place only because they've been there before. But it still doesn't answer my question, am I here because I've allowed my own weight to drag me down? Or am I here because I've allowed the weight of other people around me to pull me under?

It seems like the answer should be simple enough, but we all know that it isn't. And so once again we find ourselves at this place where we are wondering what the world has to offer us and what we have to offer the world. We wonder what the difference is between the "right" decision and the "best" decision, and better yet, we wonder if there is even a "better" decision. Some days its easier to believe in things, to see that mixture of faith and hope and use it to propel yourself forward. And other days you just find yourself wondering if you've reached the dividing line between fantasy and reality, dream and fairy tale, possible and impossible.

Life is, without a doubt, what we make it. But for some of us that comes easier than others. Because some people are able to turn their focus inwards, some people are able to forget about the pain and heartache that they are surrounded by, and yes, those some people are able to then move forward with their lives, solely focused on themselves. Some would call that selfishness, others would simply refer to it as drive or success. But out there, there remains a handful of people who are able to rise above and carry those things with them. That handful are able to take responsibility outside of themselves and continue forward. Is it because they dream? Is it because they believe in achieving the impossible? Or maybe its because they refuse to focus all of their energy inwardly. I don't really know...All I know is that I'm still here, and I'm still drowning. No matter what I think, no matter what I dream, I still wake up in the same place, breathless and struggling to survive.